At what age should I allow social media?
The legal age is 13 years old for some platforms, BUT because the cognitive brain is not fully developed until age 25, many parents are realizing that they need to delay social media use until their teen is more mature and responsible. Please NOTE: Social Media is an entertainment technology and is NOT necessary for learning, future success, or social development.
Can social media hurt my child?
Yes. Many parents worry that their child will be a social outcast without it, but studies show that Social Media is actually MORE ISOLATING and there is potential to get more left out online than in real life. Hence the RISE in Social Media ANXIETY in today’s child psychology offices and the reason why parents are choosing to limit access. Studies say that the more teens look at social media, the more distressed they become. It is a parent’s job to monitor their teen’s social media use and know the warning signs of trouble.
Do I need to monitor my child's social media?
Yes. Kids need accountability for what they are posting online and parents need to be following all of their child’s accounts in order to do this effectively. Nothing is private online so it should not be private to parents. From multiple profiles to vault apps, parents need to stay on top of the current social media culture and help their kids navigate this world. Be aware that a social media footprint is extremely difficult and costly to erase.
Unlimited access to social media hinders ability to form deep relationships, TRUST doesn’t form over social media platforms but rather over time and in person.
How Teens use Social Media.
There are teenagers that utilize Social Media correctly. A healthy relationship with social media is one where a teen does the following:
- Rarely has an active presence on their feeds.
- Posts few photos and makes few comments.
- He or she can do homework and other activities without checking in on social media.
- They are very active with different friend groups and have face-to-face connections.
- Maintains strong personal relationships with family members.
- Rarely gossip and is aware of the drama that is associated with social media.
- Doesn’t feel pressure to fit in.
Unfortunately, we are aware that this is not the case for most teenagers. Being on screens is a full time job for teenagers and it becomes another full time job for the parents who are involved in the online presence of their teenager.
So what are they doing online?
Lurking = Viewing social media feeds without posting
Lurking is a full time, stressful job for teens. They check their social media over 200 times a day, asking themselves, “Do I fit in?”, “Am I popular?”, and creating levels of anxiety for which they are not equipped to handle.
Lurking is STRESSFUL:
- 21% say they are making sure no one is saying mean things about me
- 36 % I want to see if my friends are doing things without me
- 61% I want to see if my posts are getting likes and comments
Liking/Commenting/Posting
Did you know there is a schedule of when to post to get the most comments or likes on your picture or comment? Today’s teenagers try to get the best return on their investment and they are investing their time on social media during times when they know the most people will see them and comment in return. One may think that it is not a big deal to comment, like, or post; but when one’s self-worth is tied directly into a thumbs up icon, a comment or a heart, it becomes a huge deal to them.
Liking/Commenting/Posting is STRESSFUL:
- Constant comparison to others believing that EVERYONE is watching them
- Devalues self worth and decreases self confidence
- Easily leads to unintentional (or intentional) bullying
FOMO = Fear of Missing Out
Today’s generation has serious worry about missing out. Whether it is something that is happening at school, in their community, in their city, in their state, or even nationally; Today’s teenagers get most of their news from the various social media outlets to which they are connected.
FOMO is STRESSFUL:
- It leads to stress and anxiety which can lead to depression
- Causes one to be in a hyper-vigilant state and never allows your brain to rest
- Creates a constant state of distraction, preventing any sort of deep thinking or concentration
Social Media Warning Signs
Social media is great if it was intended to be used the way it was created. It is hard to believe that creators of some of the most popular apps created them with the intentions of its users to tear people down, tie their own self-worth to them, bully one another and get addicted to them. It is an avenue for its users to share partial truths and not paint a full picture and the hard part is to separate truth from reality. Think about your child, if you can identify with any of the statements below you may need to get more involved in their social media world.
Does Your Teenager…
82% of ONLINE SEX CRIMES against minors started when the perpetrator used the victim’s SOCIAL NETWORKING site to gain information and introduction.
Download our 1-Pager on Common Apps used in Sextoration Cases
Three Types of Cyberbullying
- Harassment: Harassment defined is aggressive pressure or intimidation. Social media are the perfect outlets harassment to occur as it is easy to do it anonymously and with little accountability to what they write. Cyberstalking is a type of harassment associated with cyberbullying.
- Exclusion: Exclusion is exactly what is sounds like, when a group of your ‘friends’ exclude you and post about it, sometimes going even as far as posting and ganging up on the person they excluded. This plants the seeds of doubt in a person that makes her question her own self-worth.
- Outing: Outing is when a “friend” shares personal/private info you,
Sexting
“Sexting” is the practice of using a data phone or social media to distribute nude and/or explicit photos of oneself to another person or groups of people. Teens today think that sexting is a normal activity because it is so common.
Dangers of Sexting
- Teenage relationships and even friendships do not always last forever. Once those ties are cut the teen who sent photos of themselves to someone no longer has control over that photo. The person who received that photo can be redistributed without the knowledge or consent of the person who sent it.
- In many states, It is illegal to possess or transfer child pornography even if the picture is of oneself and the image is on your personal phone. To restate: You could be charged and added to a state’s sex offender registry for having sexually based pictures of yourself or others on your phone, that are not of legal age.
- Sexting is detrimental to your child’s physical, emotional, spiritual and psychological health. Teenagers have committed suicide over sexting images.
Cheating
- 41% of teens say that storing notes on a cell phone to access during a test is a serious cheating offense, while 23% don’t think it’s cheating at all.
- 45% of teens say that texting friends about answers during tests is a serious cheating offense, while 20% say it’s not cheating at all.
- 76% of parents say that cell phone cheating happens at their teens’ schools, but only 3% believe their own teen has ever used a cell phone to cheat.
- Nearly two-thirds of students with cell phones use them during school, regardless of school policies against it.
- Teens with cell phones send 440 text messages a week and 110 a week while in the classroom.
Reference: The Benenson Strategy Group
“Giving my 2 daughters (now in high school) a smartphone was the worse parenting decision we have ever made. One of my daughters is seeing a counselor weekly for social media anxiety. My youngest will get a basic phone now and a smartphone in college.”
Sometimes the best solutions are the simplest!
- Delay access. The longer parents delay the social media world, the more time a child has to mature. Delaying also encourages personal authentic relationships to develop as opposed to shallow screen relationships.
- Follow their social media accounts. Kids don’t need social media privacy; it is not private to the rest of the world, so it should not be private to parents. Allow your kids a social media account on your phone or home computer.
- Keep a sharp eye on the clock. Reduce the amount of time your child is on social media across all platforms. The average teen spends nine hours a day on social media; instead, set one time each day for your child to check their social media.
- Plan face-to-face time for your teens and friends. They don’t need 842 friends; four to six close friends are enough for healthy social development.
- Spend more non-tech time with your children. Teens need more time with parents and family. Let them “come home” and leave the social media drama for a few hours.
- Be a proactive parent. Get educated and explore other options for social interactions and family attachment. Be aware of any behavioral changes in your child.
Additional Resources
- Read The Boogeyman Exists and He’s in Your Child’s Back Pocket by Jesse Weinberger
- Watch CNN’s Special: Being 13: Inside the Secret World of Teens
- Watch Simon Sinek on Millenials and the Workplace (Start at 2:38)